I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize