you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
