I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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