I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
