You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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