Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I party with great urgency now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
