Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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