This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
