I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
