It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
