I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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