absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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