bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize