I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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