officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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