Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
