So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
