Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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