FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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