Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
