His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
