OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
