Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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