Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
