Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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