Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
