there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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