Ambien. No doubt about it.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
