I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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