omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
