The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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