Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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