I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
