My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
