Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
being pregnant is like rehab
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
