3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
