one might say we're banned from that church
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
