Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
