I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
