hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
