We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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