i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
