I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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