he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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