I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i drank out of a bidet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
