How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
