woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
