I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
