I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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