dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
