I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This is the high leading the old right now
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
