His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
