There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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