carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
