Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize