I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
