Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize