i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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