If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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