Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i think my cat just said my name.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
