ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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