if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Damn victory sex feels great
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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