Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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