How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
