she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
