This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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