Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
