I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
