her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize