i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He felt like a one man threesome
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
